After Trauma more connected to my true self
Now that everything is over, after three months of treatment, I must tell you that the process I’ve undergone is so significant that I’m thrilled!
I never thought that the traumatic situation I experienced more than 10 years ago and which lasted only a few minutes, just a few moments, had affected my life so much: my personality, the choices and decisions I made in life, my reactions to certain situations, even those that had not seemed extremely significant.
I can tell you that throughout the process, between the sessions and after them, I really felt how the “layers” surrounding my personality peeled off of me, layer after layer, and I keep on feeling freer and more connected to my true self.
I am sure that I am not the only one enjoying this change in my personality; I am sure that those in my immediate environment, my husband, my parents, and all the other people with whom I meet in everyday life benefit from it as well.
Thank you so very much for the treatment, for touching the deepest, innermost, hidden spots within me – with such professionalism, as if my heart were open to you.
I thank God for these meetings between us, and I thank him for the ability he has given you to awaken me to who I really am, without experiencing any of the external influences that the trauma had caused.
Childhood traumas and scars from my past and negative thoughts.
I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Eliezer Spetter for his devoted care down to the smallest detail, for his genuine concern about my health and his dealing with everything gently and calmly.
I came to Eliezer with severe childhood traumas and scars from my past. He helped me as though I was his only patient. Today, I who feel that it is all behind me. I am happier and light-hearted, positive and optimistic, and my thoughts are all positive ones. My life changed totally with TAT.
Eliezer is truly concerned about his patients` well-being, and I am sure that if I need to return to him for treatment, I will still receive the professional, caring help that I received before.
I thank G-d who directed me here, to a haven where we are able to confront our problems and deal with them from the source in such a way that they disappear and return no more.
My sincere gratitude,
Traumas from Physical Violence
-“Can you tell me what happened to you?”
“Can you tell me what he did, was it a punishment?”
“What were you beaten with?”
“Sticks. Cords. Electrical wires”. –
“You also said shoes. What else?”
” Lot ‘s of punishments. Lot ‘s of trauma. We had a lot of trauma”. –
“A lot of pain?”
“In the lower abdomen”. –
“And now the pain is gone?”
“Totally. Less pain, no pain at all”. –
“And how do you feel now?”
“Have you anything to add?”
“It’s better than before. Thank you”.
– “You’re welcome”.
Trauma and Dyslexia
Can you tell about some of the difficult traumas that we have worked through?
Some of my worst traumas have to do with my parents and my growing up, and my struggles that were due to dyslexia and learning disabilities. I can say I had a great many traumas relating to my education and school and the way I was treated there. For me, college for me was a big trauma.
I was still fearful of the traumas that had a gigantic influence on my life. My marriage has not been the most comfortable. My twenty years in Israel were not the best of my life. I have worked through all of these with TAT.
My relationship with my father has gotten exceptionally better. My relationship with people in general has changed as well. I can understand myself and other people a lot better through the work with TAT.
At the start of our sessions, you told me that if you were on a phone call with your father, you went into a rage when you put down the phone!
Exactly. I would be in a total rage; I would feel disoriented and would repeat the conversation in my mind for days. I would exhaust myself just by thinking about it. Today, it is the opposite. We often have pleasant conversations. We have a good relationship. My father is a Holocaust survivor, so he has his own problems. Now I can accept him, understand him, and have a warm relationship with him – and I can deal with him correctly. Moreover, with my wife I can now deal with all the things between us in an appropriate way.
You told me that you were thrown out of the yeshiva soon after your marriage. You had a problem reciting Kiddush and you stopped laying tefillin!
Right. In addition to that, I had a hatred of Hashem yet on the other hand, I felt connected with Him. It was a strong issue. It was a very schizophrenic relationship with Hashem. A love-hate relationship. Yes, He exists and you are dependent on Him, yet I hated Him for the life that I had to live. Now, Baruch Hashem, I lay tefillin again. I am back to davening and I learn once more.
You also told me that in the beginning of your marriage, since your Kiddush was so bad because of your dyslexia, your wife asked the Rav about it. And because of that, you always felt you were before a Beit Din, being judged.
Correct. During those first twenty years of my marriage, saying Kiddush was a big trauma each time over. Now, I do not feel judged anymore when I say Kiddush. Today, I hardly make any mistakes if I need to say a bracha in front of others. Second, if I make a mistake, I correct myself and go on. It’s not a big deal any more and I don’t need to feel that I have failed and that the world is going to collapse. Once I felt that I was a failure in everything. Now, I feel fine and far more secure.
Not long ago you called me after you had been to a Sheva Brachot and you told me, “I am released from the ghost of dyslexia”. Right, right. I always felt haunted when I had to say a bracha publicly. Two weeks ago I was honored to have been given one of the Sheva Brachot. Normally I would have been petrified before I said it. This time, I had no fear; I said the bracha loud and clear and without mistakes.
Do you mean that you do not turn words upside down?
Do you mean that you don’t turn words around any more? You can read normally now?
That’s also true.
I don’t turn words around any more. My reading in general has improved. I am far more relaxed, much more confident, much more sure of myself. It may not be my best skill, but it certainly has improved due to the months of therapy here.
You said something like that when you were davened in shul, people could not usually hear you, but suddenly you were davening out loud.
Right. Very often, because of my dyslexia, I was afraid to say the prayers aloud; afraid I would make a mistake. Now I can read more fluently, and I can pray out loud in the synagogue in a reasonably loud voice without the fear that someone will stare at me and laugh at my poor pronunciation or mistakes, and without the feeling of being judged because of my inability to perform.
Are you saying that by working with TAT you find that your dyslexia was connected with trauma?
I would say that a large percentage was due to trauma.
How much of it?
Probably over 90%. With a traumatic connection, there may be a slight neurological or anatomical problem, but all that was far less than the emotional part.
At first, you thought that you could never overcome this.
Yes. I thought this was a permanent handicap and a death sentence. I was born with it, born to a lifetime of captivity, of being a disabled reader and not being able to function in society since I was not able to read – and much of Judaism is based on reading.
So perhaps now you have thoughts of starting a career, of a new start to life, to learn something?
I’m thinking of maybe going to “Ulpan” – after 20 years living in Israel. I was always afraid of that idea because it was a pass/fail situation. Now I look at it differently. At this stage of my life it may not be easy to start learning – because of discipline, and not because of a neurological handicap. I also need to find the time for thinking about a livelihood. I have a wife, children; it’s not easy to devote yourself to studies. In general, my enthusiasm has increased, my devotion has increased. The feeling that I can be successful in my life has increased a considerably in the upper 90%. Originally I had thought that I would go to this “TAT” for three sessions, assuming I would disqualify it, that it wasn’t worth anything after three sessions. I had to do this for the divorce, to do something to show the Beit Din that I had made some effort towards “shalom bayit” – that was my actual intention in coming. I didn’t expect anything to come out of it.
I came here with the idea “Let’s get a divorce, and let’s get this over with”. I very quickly discovered that this TAT was something else, different to what I had thought. Then I decided to continue for about two or three months more, which soon became three to six months. Now I’ve been with you for fifteen months, and now I realize that not only did I need it, but that it was very worthwhile work. I feel it helped me very much.
Thank you for this explanation.
Eliezer – this writing is an opportunity for me to thank you for the tools and the lift you have given my life. You have been a faithful servant who has pulled me up from the dark pit that my life had been.
I remember the first time we met at a mutual acquaintance’s. You asked me if I believe that it is possible to totally overcome a traumatic experience. I told you that I believe it is possible to acquire tools to learn to live with it, but not to overcome it. You are the first person to bring me to the realization that it is possible to live life without carrying the blackness within me.
Taking small, subtle steps, using this simple, quiet, non-intrusive healing method, you helped me to wipe the traumatic experience out of my consciousness and end its influence over my body. Your treatment method was an introduction to living.
Step by step, under your guidance, I have opened up to the possibilities of life, of living at ease. When I came to you I was distant, locked out of being able to develop relationships. I was afraid of making contact with the world of males. Now I am in the stages of preparation for married life. This is something I want; I am open and involved with the practical process of forming a serious
I started working with you last August; I remember myself, very traumatized and that you told me that my appearance shows that I’m holding on something traumatic.
You invited me to come to a treatment, since I was desperately looking for some real healing, even though I’d been on a healing process for 8 years trying to save myself from a traumatic experience. I relied on you gradually, since you offered something, I was willing to try it. And I trusted you as a person, I was willing to go on that journey with you.
Do you remember how the first few times were really helpful?
The traumas really came up; I had physical sensations and suicidal feelings and I remember pains, physical pains. I remember that I was in deep pains physically; I remember, also, that it was hard for me to concentrate, I jumped from one thing to another, I couldn’t focus on one thing, and everything was so dark I couldn’t even hope. I didn’t even believe in what I was experiencing .Until I met you, my basic experience was that what I was feeling is true; this is life.
I used to s off from my body, that was a symptom from years and years ago from childhood, which I’ve always tried to work on, cutting off from my body. I don’t know how-you just gave your skills and time and care and attention and thought and prayers and sometimes you used to meet me overtime and sometimes I would call you and say SOS and you would just stay over in Jerusalem, just to help me.
You stayed over to work with me. I remember there were a few times I really wanted out of this life and I felt you were just fighting for my life; you were just traveling with me to stay alive. And I don’t know- somehow you always got me out of it, somehow this treatment kept me moving on and on and on. Really the effect of the treatment, I can’t feel it right away, a stream of energy in my body, but I feel the effect afterwards, in my daily life.
What are the changes you feel in your life?
Every thing -my relationship with my children, my relationship with food, afterwards, we’ll still work on two other subjects. Also,I used to rag- not anger, rage- I can’t find it any more. It’s like, last week I was angry, as much as I could be, and yet I was so calm. I just don’t know -this is just a miracle, all my life till now, rage has ruined my life.
You were sauced into your problems?
And you felt everything again.
How is it now?
Now even today I worked on it, for a while I haven’t been sauced into it. Even when we worked on traumas, today I did, but first of all, it wasn’t as intense as it used to be.It was really minor. I had all the symptoms, but they were not so intense and the most important thing was that I knew it was not true. I know that I was struggling through something from an earler time, but this was not true, this is not life, there is something else there which I already know, and have experienced enough. Even though I experienced a trauma, I still have enough of a good experience to know that this is not true. This is a miracle; this is the first time this is happening to me, that I’ve succeeded in getting into the trauma and I know it is not true, I have symptoms and I can say to myself that this is a symptom. I can stop it now- and I really can.
This is the first time this is happening. In the past, when you used to move, I would panic. Today you left and I had the symptoms but kept on breathing and kept on working on whatever the symptoms gave me. And then when you walked in, I had a totally different experience. I had a soothing experience; the steps were soothing for me that was also the first time.
How are you now in your relations with other people? Relating with people all around?
First of all, I think this is the first year I have real friends, not just healing partners. But just friends to socialize with, to whatever, just for fun, to decorate the house, to study, to live. I have four very close friends.
I used to only have close healing friends, but these are not healing friends. We could also talk about healing, but this does not connect us.
How is your work different than it was before?
That I still have to work on, it is not solved, and I know there are some points I still have to work on. This is one of them, my work .My relationship with food has healed a lot, though. To deal with my food, I eat normally and it’s not that I have to think about; Tthere is something in my system which is more, I eat when I’m hungry, and when I don’t, I think it’s normal. It became really normal, everything- I bought a house, this is definitely connected to that. That something has opened up.
Do you consider that you have a normal life now?
How would you rate it?
Do you have other things that have to be worked on?
Do you believe that you can reach 100%?
I want to believe it.
You can see it?
This is something I have to work on. I used to have an anxiety from cats- it would paralyze me for days. Sometimes I feel anxiety, but it doesn’t over take, Either I can function with it, or I can somehow work it out, so I see places that I still need to work on, it’s not over. I feel that there is so much healing being done that I’m on my way, that I just need to choose to progress in life. Not just a healing progress.
I understand with this there is another life waiting for you?
Yeah. We didn’t count the miracles; I need a miracle book to write it down. Every day and to say thank you, thank you to G-d. And all the messengers on the way. Whoever came up with this inspiration and you that are so devoted; I can’t receive from everyone, I’mvery skeptic, but I was very open with you and can trust you.
Traumas and Abuse from Youth
“My childhood was one big trauma, because of which I hated my father. He was always angry with me, yelled at me, and often hit me, abused me. Due to this method I lost that hate and can truly forgive him”.
Trauma from Anti-Semitism
“When I was six I was attacked, hit, and humiliated as a “dirty Jew” (as they called me); a very difficult experience for me. EFT helped me to cope with this trauma; all the emotional problems dealing
with this subject have entirely disappeared”.
During a TAT seminar, I closed my eyes and was back in Vietnam in the back seat of a helicopter on a training flight. Several B-52’s had dropped hundreds of 500-pound bombs in the distance.
I took a deep breath as I remembered the helicopter slowly tilting back as it began to skid into a simulated emergency landing with an engine failure, but this time we were very tilted back.
My knees were above my head, and the “stinger” – the tube that sticks out the back of the helicopter to keep the tail rotor from hitting the ground and that has never even touched the ground in my entire two years of flying – was bumping along as if over plowed rows in a cornfield. Then the tail rotor blades hit the ground and next the tail boom hit. When the helicopter finally skidded to a stop, it was upside down, and I was face down with my arms flung out in front of me.
The frame of my seat pressing on the back of my helmet forcing my face into the dirt and solidly pinning both my arms and my face into the ground. I was trapped! Everyone else was dead or unconscious. With the engine still running we were sure to bum or explode. I was going to die. Eventually, another helicopter that had seen the crash came to the rescue. Whenever I remember this my chest gets tight, my arms feel tingly and heavy, my palms sweat, and if I am telling the story to someone, I hear my voice change as my throat tightens, but as I did TAT, all of a sudden I was aware that I had survived that crash! In the years following the crash, I had shared, cried, , work shopped and catharted this into exhaustion, but this level of awareness of the fact that I SURVIVED was much stronger than any sense of survival I ever had before.
It was the truth and I was suddenly aware of something new: there was NO HELICOPTER on top of me. Even as I had that thought, it seemed silly. Of course there wasn’t a helicopter on top of me, but I sat there amazed by my new awareness of that reality. For a brief moment, I saw the crash scene from above. Although it was just a flash, I noticed that it looked different. It was lighter. I closed my eyes. It WAS lighter. It had always been kind of dark in my memory, as if there were a giant shaded Plexiglas dome covering the site.
I then became aware that as I was thinking about the crash, my chest, arms, throat and hands were relaxed. All I was having was a memory of an event that had taken place over twenty-eight years ago. Nothing more. The next thought I had was that I wanted the tension back. I had lived with it for so long that it had seemed a part of me. I closed my eyes again, but it wasn’t there and I couldn’t get it to come back, no matter how hard I focused on the memory.
Dick Morrill, Air America
A Fight with Bedouin and Terrorist Attacks
When we started to work together with TAT you had the following traumas:
Bedouin beat you up and things happened to you in the army. You were in psychological therapy for a period of five months. What happened with you when we worked with TAT?
First of all, what happened here with TAT was crazy! During a period of 7-8 years, in addition to the events in the army, I underwent more than 40 terrorist attacks, among them the attack on the children’s bus in Kfar Darom. I went to a psychologist for five months but it didn’t help me whereas with TAT everything passed within three quarters of an hour!
Three months ago, I underwent a serious incident of a beating by Beduins. That caused me to suffer from insomnia, headaches and other problems.
With the help of TAT everything has completely disappeared. The thoughts and memories of the incident disappeared within three quarters of an hour and the headaches improved vastly!Now, when I look back at all these incidents , it’s as if I’m looking at something that happened thirty years ago or even more.
You really don’t feel connected to the method, right?
I really don’t believe it. I came because people really pressured me to try. I really don’t believe in these kinds of things. But, even so, thank you very much for the treatment.
Even though you don’t feel connected to the method, it worked for you?
Every time I come, I make sure to say that I don’t believe in this, but, even so,it works for me! Thank you very much!!!
Trauma From Being Burnt at Two Years of Age
On Erev Pesach, I was burnt by fire and ever since then, whenever I think of fire I get a panicky feeling inside – even though I know that it over.
Since then, at any time when there is stress – Erev Pesach, Lag Ba’Omer or having to enter a hospital etc – I panic,
Now I feel more relaxed with no stress. Even during tense times, it is much easier for me to get through them. If only my whole life had been like this.
was hit by stones thrown by Arabs
I was hurt when the bus I on which was travelling to the Western Wall on the bus was hit by stones thrown by Arabs. I was taken to the hospital. There, I underwent examination and after one night I was released home.
I was in a state of panic and fear of the future .
Someone told me about Chava. I decided I would try one treatment and see if there was an improvement. I came to Chava for the treatment, after which I felt better. I came back for another three or four, and now, thank haShem, I feel even better. This was a true miracle from heaven. I thank haShem who got me out of it, and Chava, who succeeded in freeing my confusion within: I had been sitting on the sofa, staring into the air. Now, thank haShem, I go to my seminary every morning and I’m busy again.
I thank haShem for leading me to Chava, without whom I do not know what I would have done.